the path ahead

I was stuck, looking at my feet. Right foot precariously perched atop a jagged rock and the left straining to reach the next tree root. Was this the path? What the hell kind of hiking trail is this? Catching myself before falling into a pile of leaves that I was convinced covered a sleeping creepy something, I looked up and saw the trail ahead. It was not obvious, no orange flag markers on the trees or wooden signs posts like on other sections of the hike. But it was clear that there was a path snaking through this pile of rocks, that bunch of roots. And I realized in that moment, that the path is not always obvious when you are looking minutely at the present but subtly clear when you stop to consider the bigger picture.

A fortunate benefit of this trip has been that I have had the time and space to stop and consider the bigger picture of my life, perhaps for the first time in years. Graduate school requires a focus on short bursts of time and energy - each semester, each class, each paper. And this pace has given me little time to sort out the direction I am headed. Now, I see some things more clearly. I know that, for one, finishing and defending my dissertation is a real accomplishment. Granted I still have revisions and paperwork to complete, but I did not truly appreciate passing my defense until now. I was simply too focused on the details of the moment. For two, I have come to realize that I have many talents and interests that are suitable for more than academia - I am good with people, I like projects but also administrative work, and I have a creative side that may be a real asset to a type of job in "the real world". I was not sure about this before, and now I am feeling more confident that my future should incorporate these gifts. And finally, I have found myself again doing research on local governments, and it makes me want to be part of government work. I may make a real effort in the coming months to look for a position in a government office or agency - in Austin or D.C. I feel a draw to that right now, maybe that will change - or not. We'll see.

While the path ahead is not completely clear, I see it unfolding before me, and I have peace that it will lead me to where I should be.